The Three Pillars of Mindfulness

 I’ve been talking with clients about mindfulness and trying to continually practice it in my own life for years now. It’s one of the most transformative and effective tools I’ve got; to the extent that I don’t even feel like “tool” is an appropriate word to describe its place in my life and work. It would probably be more accurately referred to as the platform upon which dozens of tools become more readily available. Most people think of mindfulness as “being in the moment,” which is only partially accurate. There are several components of mindfulness, and I was taught of these three as the foundational pillars:

 

1.  Love and Compassion

 

Love doesn’t necessarily equate to compassion, but compassion is the fundamental component of love.  Mindfulness is dependent upon a compassionate and understanding acceptance of our self, our circumstance, and the people in our lives.

 

2.  Gratitude

 

Intentional gratitude forces us to shift our attention to peace, contentment, and calm.  Our brains are wired to focus automatically on what’s missing, which creates feelings of need and discontentment, which negates our ability to be truly mindful.

 

3.  Presence of Moment

Perhaps the most obvious pillar of mindfulness, awareness of the present moment, as it is transpiring, is a fundamental component.  In the spirit of living with a “beginner’s mind,” mindfulness is dependent upon experiencing our situation, others, and ourselves, with fresh eyes.  We often approach life with preconceived notions, but mindfulness allows us to see what is truly in front of us.

 

I’ll write more about mindfulness on this blog at some point; it’s origins, specific methods of practice, and evidence of its effectiveness in helping to treat a host of psychiatric disorders. But, for now, I think understanding these three pillars is a good foundation upon which we can build.  

(Avoiding) Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage: the term seems completely counter intuitive, yet it is one of the most common reasons why people fail. Why would anyone want to hinder their ability to succeed? Why would anyone consciously or unconsciously interfere with their own growth, or get in their own way of achieving and attaining something they allegedly want? Here’s some questions to ask yourself or someone else when you think that you or they may be self-sabotaging:

 

1.     How do you think this situation is going to turn out if you continue to act exactly as you are now?

2.     What makes you want to be successful in this area? How does success in this area reflect your values?

3.     What makes you believe that you deserve to succeed?

4.     What makes you believe that you don’t deserve to succeed?

5.     Do you think you have the skills to be successful in this area? If not, what do you need more of?

6.     What do you have to lose?

7.     What do you stand to gain?

8.     What are the some of the consequences of success? How will your life change for the better?

9.     What are some of the unintended consequences of success? How will your life change in less beneficial ways?

10.  What if you do everything right, and you pursue this objective with everything needed to achieve success, and it doesn’t turn out the way you hoped?

11.  How have you historically handled success?

12.  How have you historically handled failure?

13.  What are the consequences of not trying?

 

This isn’t a comprehensive list, but at the very least, asking questions along these lines may help us understand the thing or things that are directing or “motivating” self-sabotage behavior.

 

Ask away.