A fundamental idea in cognitive psychology is that our feelings are largely, even mostly, a byproduct of what we’re thinking. It’s a pretty straightforward idea, and one that you can prove with relative ease when you just consider that two people can experience the same event and have vastly different emotional responses to that event. For example, imagine your boss at work, or a teacher, was critical of some project you’d worked on. One thought could be “they only point out mistakes, I can’t do anything right in their eyes.” The emotional response to that would be quite different than if you had the thought, “I appreciate the honest feedback, and now I know what I can improve on to do better next time.” In the first case, you’d probably feel pretty hopeless and unmotivated, whereas in the second, perhaps determined and optimistic. It's for this reason that I so emphasize to clients the importance of being acutely aware of what it is that we’re telling ourselves through our thoughts, and to be truly mindful of any ways in which our automatic thoughts may not be giving us a clear understanding of what is actually happening. After all, if therapy is about minimizing emotional suffering, a good place to start is probably eliminating unnecessary suffering.
Almost 2000 years ago, Seneca, a Stoic philosopher, wrote that “we suffer more in our imagination than in reality.” It’s for this reason that the central focus of good therapy is instilling awareness of how our imagination skews reality, and our emotional experience of “reality.” Obviously, the goal is not to convince anyone suffering from anxiety, or any other psychological ailment, that they’re delusional and that everything they worry about is in their mind, but rather to learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Under the resource tab on this website, you can now find PDF worksheets. Over time, I’m going to expand the number of accessible documents on this page; but, for now, you’ll find a document labeled “Cognitive Distortions.” As the term would suggest, cognitive distortions are inaccurate or even prejudiced ways that we perceive information. If you go through the list, I’m certain that you’ll recognize a tendency in yourself towards several of them. However, I find that emotional reasoning stands out for its unique ability to color our perception of reality, not just at an individual level, but also within groups, influencing collective decisions and behaviors.
Emotional reasoning is a psychological phenomenon where feelings are mistaken for facts. The central rule of emotional reasoning, in the most simplistic terms, is “if I feel it, then it is true.” For instance, feeling anxious about a presentation might lead us to believe that it will certainly go poorly, despite evidence of our preparation and past successes. This distortion can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where our beliefs, fueled by emotions, start shaping our reality.
Further, when a collective operates under emotional reasoning, decisions are swayed more by the prevailing emotional currents than by objective analysis or facts. Emotional reasoning can significantly impact social dynamics and movements. For instance, a group's collective anger or fear can amplify a narrative, irrespective of its factual accuracy, potentially leading to polarized views or even social unrest. I’m sure we can all think of examples of this from the past few years, regardless of where we may stand politically or socially.
Additionally, within families, emotional reasoning can lead to conflict or dysfunctional patterns. If one member's anxiety or anger becomes the emotional baseline, it can dictate the family's decisions and interactions, often ignoring practical or logical considerations. If a family member consistently allows their emotions to guide their reasoning, it can set a precedent for the entire household. For instance, if a parent makes a decision based on their anxiety or anger, it might lead to choices that prioritize these feelings over virtually everything else, including the opinion of other family members. This can create a pattern where emotional responses are given more weight than rational discussion, leading to a family dynamic that's reactive rather than proactive. When decisions are made from a place of heightened emotion rather than thoughtful deliberation, it can result in ongoing conflict and inhibit the family's ability to function effectively. Over time, this can erode trust and communication, as family members may feel their needs and perspectives are overshadowed or invalidated by the dominant emotional climate within the household.
Whether on the individual, familial, or social level, mitigating the effects of this brand of distortion is central to a more objective view of reality and to rational decision making. The first step towards that process, as is always the case when attempting to reduce what ails us, is simply becoming aware of it. Too often, we accept our thoughts at face value, and don’t go about the rigors of observing and challenging them. Being aware of one's emotional state and recognizing its influence on thoughts gives us the opportunity to rebalance our perspective, and proceed from there. On the PDF page of this website, you can also find a document labeled, “Distortion Record.” On that document, you’re asked to identify what specific thoughts are manufacturing your current feeling state; identify the type of cognitive distortion; and then consciously produce a more balanced and objective set of thoughts. The exercise may seem overly simplistic, but give it a try for a week and I think you’ll notice a shift in your thinking process. Nevertheless, critically examining the evidence supporting our beliefs and decisions helps in distinguishing between emotion-driven and fact-based reasoning.
In groups, fostering an environment where diverse perspectives are welcomed can counterbalance the sway of emotional reasoning. Encouraging members to voice different viewpoints, without the threat of being silenced or shouted down, and examining issues from multiple angles can lead to more balanced decisions. Further, cultivating emotional intelligence within groups and individuals aids in recognizing and managing emotions constructively. This includes empathy, which can help us understand and moderate the emotional undercurrents in group dynamics.
In conclusion, emotional reasoning is a powerful force that can shape our perceptions and decisions, extending its influence beyond individuals to groups and communities. By becoming aware of its presence and actively working to counteract its effects through mindfulness, open dialogue, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, we can navigate our emotional landscapes more effectively. This leads to more reasoned and balanced decision-making, both in our personal lives and in all of the many collective spheres we are part of.